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Questions on Office Politics
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What Should I Do About An Office Affair?
Q:
For the past two
years, a secretary in our office has been having an affair with
one of the executives. Both of them are married with young
children. My problem is not with the affair itself, as
these people are adults and can do as they please. However, the
secretary has become so distracted by this relationship that her
work has suffered considerably. She used to be quite friendly
with everyone, but now she only has time to assist her
boyfriend. Top management thinks very highly of this woman,
so if I speak up I’m afraid I’ll lose my job. Most people know
about the affair, but they choose to turn a blind eye to it.
I’m not sure how to handle this situation.
A:
Does
the secretary's romantic distraction create problems with your
own work? If so, talk with her about any tasks that are being
neglected.
Her
affair is completely irrelevant to this discussion. You need to
focus on the result of her inattentiveness, not the presumed
cause.
For
example: "Mary, I’m concerned about the turnaround time on my
monthly reports. They seem to be taking longer and longer to
complete, so we need to agree on a deadline." If
this fails to do the trick, tell your boss about the secretary’s
lapses without mentioning her love life.
But
if this woman’s infatuation has no effect on your own job
performance, stop fretting about her moral and vocational
shortcomings. It’s a waste of your time and energy.
Related information from Your Office Coach:
“Dangerous
Workplace Romances” from our “Office Politics” section:
http://www.yourofficecoach.com/Topics/romance_at_work.htm
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We Disagree About the "Sunshine Fund"
Q:
Our work group plans to start a Sunshine Fund to buy gifts for
special occasions, such as birthdays, weddings, and baby
showers.
One person wants to post a list on the
refrigerator showing the dollar amount each employee has
contributed. I think that’s a horrible suggestion.
How can we do
this so that people who can’t afford to contribute won’t feel
obligated or uncomfortable?
A:
Even though your
intentions are good, I think you should ditch the whole idea.
If you already know that some people can’t afford to
participate, then this clearly cannot be a group activity.
Presumably, the Sunshine Fund is designed to enhance team spirit
and boost morale. But publicly humiliating those with tight
budgets will have the opposite effect, especially if your
mean-spirited coworker decides to advertise contributions.
Financially comfortable people often fail to consider that
others simply may not have an extra ten or twenty dollars.
Besides, buying presents should not be a mandatory condition of
employment, even for those who can afford it.
Instead of soliciting payments for obligatory gifts, mark these
events with group celebrations. After all, the goal is to
recognize a special moment in someone’s life, not just pile on
the loot.
For
example, everyone might buy funny cards or split the cost of a
cake. Those who enjoy baking could bring goodies to share. If
some people are especially close to the honored employee, they
can give gifts privately, as they would for any friend.
When
a collective gift does seem appropriate, everyone should agree
on an affordable purchase. Unless this is an unusually greedy
group, the sentiment behind the present will be valued more than
the cost.
Related information from Your Office Coach:
“Do You Annoy
Your Coworkers?” from our “Coworker Relationships” section:
http://www.yourofficecoach.com/Topics/do_you_annoy.htm
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I Think I’m Being Blackballed
Q:
I had
a disagreement with my supervisor, who took the issue to our
manager. When nothing had been resolved after several days, I
began to feel that my job was in jeopardy, so I quit.
Since then, I
have looked for work constantly, but no one will hire me. I
have good references from prior jobs, but I think my most recent
employer is blackballing me. What can I do about this?
A:
Do
you know for a fact that your former employer is trashing your
reputation? Or is that just the most comforting explanation for
your job search difficulties?
If you have
actual evidence of negative comments, the next question is
whether they are factually accurate. If the information is
false, advise them to stop immediately. You might even have an
attorney send a letter.
If their
unflattering remarks are truthful, however, then you have no
leverage to make demands. Instead, try to reach agreement on
how your work history will be described to prospective
employers. Having left on bad terms, you may need to grovel a
bit to get their cooperation.
But if you have
no proof and are simply speculating about the reason for
rejections, you may be overlooking the true cause. Blaming
others could keep you from revising a poorly written resume or
sharpening your interviewing skills. And one final note: I hope
you have learned that quitting one job before finding another is
a very risky move.
Helpful links related to this topic on Your Office
Coach:
“Frequently-asked
Job Search Questions” at http://yourofficecoach.com/Topics/frequentlyasked_job_search_ques.htm
“Five Key
Job-seeking Skills” at
http://yourofficecoach.com/Topics/five_key_job-seeking_skills.htm
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Should I Report An Office
Affair?
Q:
I am aware of an adulterous affair between a
high level manager and a lower-level employee. The manager is
married, but he is getting a divorce because of the affair. I
want to know if I should report this to top management. One of
my coworkers says that what these people do in their personal
lives is their own business. But since the affair started at
work and seems unethical, I believe that management should know
about it. What do you think?
A:
Top
management needs to hear about business issues, not rumors and
gossip. So here’s the key question: is this illicit
relationship adversely affecting the company or do you just find
it personally offensive?
If
this “special” manager/subordinate connection creates workplace
problems, then talking with management might be appropriate.
But if
you go that route, don’t rant and rave about the wickedness
of their actions. That will just make you sound like the
Morality Police. Instead, specifically describe the business
problem that needs to be addressed.
However, if you are more concerned about personal morality than
work, then the proper communication is with the lovebirds
themselves. They may nor may not appreciate your views, but you
have every right to express them. Your third choice, of course,
is to keep your opinions to yourself. Marie
McIntyre
Helpful links related to this topic on Your Office
Coach:
“How to Deal with
Childish Adults” at
http://yourofficecoach.com/Topics/how_to_deal_with_childish_adults.htm
“Dangerous
Workplace Romances” at
http://yourofficecoach.com/Topics/romance_at_work.htm
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People Keep Complaining About
Me
Q:
My
manager has received numerous complaints about me. He says
people tell him that I am arrogant, rude, and intimidating,
which doesn’t make any sense to me. I assume this is coming
from two immature people who think they are better than me and
try to direct my work. I have also felt the need to make
several complaints about them.
I have never
worked anywhere where there were so many complaints going back
and forth. I am beginning to wonder if I am doing something
that encourages this behavior. What do you think? Totally
Miserable
A:
Sounds
like a vicious cycle. They complain about you, then you
complain about them, then they complain again. This must be
driving your manager nuts.
You’re smart to
focus on your own behavior, since that’s the only thing you can
control. To assess the validity of these complaints, consider
your past. Have you ever gotten this kind of feedback before?
If so, you may need to work on your interpersonal skills.
But if you’ve
never had similar problems, then you’ve apparently gotten sucked
into a childish little game. And the strategy for ending a game
is simple: stop playing. To disengage, you must not gossip,
make snide remarks, tattle to your boss, or get into power
struggles.
Instead, you
should smile, be friendly, focus on your work, and spend your
time with colleagues who are more mature. In short, act like an
adult. You may then feel quietly superior to these silly
coworkers.
To avoid
arguments about who should direct your work, ask your manager to
clarify job roles and responsibilities. And while you’re at it,
tell him that you want to stop all this complaining. I
guarantee that he’ll appreciate your attitude.
Should you find
it difficult to extract yourself from this destructive pastime,
however, then you must be enjoying the game, which would raise
questions about your own maturity level.
Marie McIntyre
Helpful links related to this topic on Your Office
Coach:
-
"Dealing with
Enemies and Adversaries" at
http://yourofficecoach.com/Topics/enemies_&_adversaries
-
"How to Deal with Childish Adults" at
http://yourofficecoach.com/Topics/how_to_deal_with_childish_adults.htm
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A New Employee is Taking Over
My Job
Q.
For
more than five years, I have worked as a secretary for my
current boss, even changing companies with him. A few months
ago, he hired another secretary to help with the workload. The
problem is that now she has most of the work. She pretty much
shares all my responsibilities except for ordering office
supplies. She was hired to help me, but it feels as though she
has become my replacement. How do I approach my boss about this
without sounding like I’m whining?
A. I
wonder whether this is more about facts or feelings. The
boss/secretary relationship is usually very close, so you might
understandably feel resentful about sharing that role with a new
arrival.
Although at work
we’re supposed to be all grown-up and mature about these things,
people do have feelings, and they don’t usually leave them at
home in a drawer when they go to the office. Congratulations to
you, though, for not wanting to whine or complain. Even when
feelings are perfectly natural, politically intelligent people
know when to keep them to themselves.
You feel that you
are being replaced, but the key question is whether that is
actually the case. In fact, your boss might view this as a
benefit to you, since your workload has lessened. If you have
any evidence that the newcomer is more qualified, that might be
a factual reason to worry. Otherwise, your long tenure with the
boss should give you an edge.
The best approach
is to discuss it with your boss in a constructive way. To avoid
looking like a whiner, focus on your work, not your feelings.
For example, you might say “I think the way we’ve divided up
the work may be overloading Mary, because I have extra time and
she’s really busy. But I have an idea about how to equal things
out.” Then propose a different distribution of work.
Another
possibility: “It’s been great to have Mary share the workload,
so I wondered if I might take on some additional
responsibilities now that I have more time.” Then ask for some
expansion of your role.
Despite your
feelings, do try to develop the best relationship possible with
your new colleague. If the two of you become rivals, then
everybody loses.
Marie McIntyre
Helpful
links related to this topic on Your Office Coach:
§
“Political Pitfalls for Men & Women” at
http://yourofficecoach.com/Topics/political_pitfalls.htm
§
“Characteristics of a Successful Administrative Assistant” at
http://yourofficecoach.com/Topics/admin_asst.htm
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Getting Ahead without
Sucking Up
Q:
I’m an engineer, and I would like to know how someone can get ahead
without working 60+
hours every week and
constantly sucking up to executives. This seems to be the norm at my
company, and it’s frustrating.
A:
Let me give a long answer to your short question. Most of us probably
wish that promotions, choice assignments, and other rewards were based
solely on the quality of our work. But what usually drives those
decisions is management’s perception of the quality of someone’s
contribution, which often involves more than just the work they do.
The factors that define a high-value contributor vary, depending on the
company culture, but may include such things as working well with
colleagues, being well-connected in the community, being a mentor to
others, and so forth.
Based on your
description, executives in your company appear to define high-value
contributors as those who (1) are willing to put in long hours and (2)
are very responsive to needs and requests of executives. (I’m sure
there are other factors, but these appear to be the ones that are
causing you concern.) To get ahead in this particular company, you’ll
probably need to work more than a forty-hour week. And it appears that
you will need to put more energy into developing positive relationships
with management. (You might want to check out some of the information
on this website under “Dealing with Your Boss”.)
You sound quite
frustrated with the “unfairness” of this situation, but fretting about
“fairness” will only waste your time and energy, since you cannot
single-handedly change your company’s culture. Perhaps your best bet is
to find a more compatible workplace. However, if you do want to advance
in this company, but are not willing to work long hours or manage
executive relationships, then your contributions in other areas need to
be so outstanding that they compensate for these perceived
“deficiencies” in the eyes of management.
Marie G. McIntyre, Ph.D.
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