How to Deal with Childish
Adults
All
material on yourofficecoach.com
is copyrighted to Marie G. McIntyre.
All rights reserved.
May
be reproduced for non-commercial use with copyright and attribution to
www.yourofficecoach.com.
Commercial use requires permission: email
mmcintyre@yourofficecoach.com .
Ideally, everyone would
behave in a calm, rational, adult manner at work.
But unfortunately, some people just never grow up completely. If you
have to deal with immature bosses, coworkers, or employees, perhaps the
suggestions below will help you keep your sanity. Here are some signs
that you are dealing with a childish adult.
Like
two-year-olds, people who throw temper tantrums believe they are
entitled to get their own way. They therefore feel free to abuse
anyone who thwarts their desires. Unfortunately, this group often
includes immature high-level executives who believe that having power
gives them the right to treat others any way they like.
§
The Proper Response
The best
response to a tantrum is no
response at all. Stay quiet and calm until the tantrum thrower
calms down enough to have a civilized conversation. If it goes on
too long, politely excuse yourself and leave. Never show
fear, anger, or any other emotional response, since that will be very
rewarding to the tantrum thrower. When someone acts this childish,
you must be the adult.
Some
people enjoy telling tales and ratting out their colleagues. This
can be blatantly childlike: “Mary came back late from lunch two times
last week.” Or it may be disguised in more professional language:
“Although Bob’s group made a good effort, we were never able to get
their documents on schedule, so the whole project is late.”
§
The Proper Response
Tattling
needs to be directly confronted. If the information is inaccurate,
let the tattler know this and be sure to correct any erroneous
impressions that others may have. If the information is accurate,
but detrimental to you, ask the tattler to please share concerns with
you before taking them to others. Sometimes one member of a work
group tattles on everyone else, in which case, the whole group may need
to confront the issue.
Collaborative
colleagues are willing to share plans, goals, resources, ideas, and
information. But some people are hoarders who obviously never learned
to play well with others. They hog the equipment or fail to let others
know about important developments. This may or may not be intentional,
but either way it can create problems.
§
The Proper Response
Hoarding can be dealt with directly or indirectly. You might
be able to ask for an agreement about how equipment will be used or when
information will be shared. But since some people never
change, there are times when the best approach is to keep reminding,
requesting, and following up. Angrily confronting hoarders is
almost always a mistake, since they may retaliate by becoming even less
cooperative.
Some
people are attention junkies who want
all eyes and ears focused on them. This behavior is actually
rather pathetic, since it usually reflects a deep-seated lack of
self-worth and self-confidence. But although it may be pathetic,
it can be very annoying.
§
The Proper Response
The worst thing you can do is give an attention junkie more
attention, since that just rewards their self-centered behavior.
So when they begin to go on and on about their problems or
accomplishments, you need to change the subject. Or politely excuse
yourself. If you get hooked into these conversations, you may
never escape. But don’t expect the person to become less
self-absorbed. Attention junkies seldom change.
When
unhealthy competition develops between coworkers, everybody suffers.
Some people always have to prove that they are better, smarter, or more
successful than others. Of course, anyone with a minimum of
psychological insight will immediately conclude that these braggarts
actually feel very inadequate.
§
The Proper Response
Never get trapped in a “my dog is bigger than
your dog” conversation with a braggart. They will always find a
way to top your best story, even if they have to stretch the truth.
If it’s just harmless bragging, say “that’s nice” in a sincere manner
and change the subject. But if you believe that the rival might
actually take devious actions to get ahead of you, then watch your back.
Crybaby
colleagues may not actually cry. But they are always whining or
complaining about something. Nothing is ever quite right and they are
never completely happy about anything. If you say that it’s a nice
day, they’ll reply that it’s probably going to rain tomorrow.
Crybabies invented the half-empty glass.
§
The Proper Response
You don’t want to reward crybaby behavior. So don’t join in
with the complaining or start whining yourself. If you do, you’ll
soon become the crybaby’s complaint buddy. Just change the subject
and try to shift the focus from past problems to future goals. If
the behavior persists, you may simply want to avoid these people.
In
some work groups, a little group will
decide that they are the “insiders” and refuse to admit anyone else to
their exalted circle. They may eat lunch together or play golf
together or talk exclusively to one another. But the point is that
they’re special. They probably did the same thing when they were
in middle school.
§
The Proper Response
These people are silly and childish, so find a more mature and
rewarding group to interact with. Be friendly to clique members
when you have to work with them and just ignore them the rest of the
time.
Childish adults are
annoying, but don’t get upset about
them. Just be glad that you are a mature person yourself.
You may also be interested in these topics .
. .
Dealing with Pouters & Sulkers
How to
Handle Enemies & Adversaries
Quick Quiz: Do You
Annoy Your Co-Workers?
All material on
yourofficecoach.com
is copyrighted to Marie G. McIntyre.
All rights reserved.
May
be reproduced for non-commercial use with copyright and attribution to
www.yourofficecoach.com.
Commercial use requires permission: email
mmcintyre@yourofficecoach.com
.
|
