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All material on Your
Office Coach is copyrighted to Marie G. McIntyre. All rights reserved.
May be reproduced
with copyright and attribution to
www.yourofficecoach.com.
For each
situation, check Yes or No to indicate what you would be most likely to
do.
** You will need to print out the survey form, as on-line scoring is not
currently available. **
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Yes |
No |
Situation
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1.
When a
family member makes a request that you feel is an imposition, do
you tell them no? |
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2.
If a friend
betrays a confidence, do you tell that person how you feel about
it? |
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3.
If you share
a home with others, do you insist they do their share of the
work? |
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4.
When a store
clerk waits first on someone who came in after you, do you tell
them? |
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5.
Would you be
comfortable asking a good friend to lend you twenty dollars? |
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6.
If someone
annoys you with continual teasing, do you tell them that it
bothers you? |
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7.
If someone
keeps kicking the back of your seat in a movie, do you ask them
to stop? |
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8.
If a friend
keeps calling you at an inconvenient time, will you ask them to
call at a different time? |
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9.
If someone
borrows twenty dollars and forgets to pay you back, will you
remind them? |
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10.
If someone
interrupts when you’re speaking, do you ask them to wait till
you’re finished? |
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11.
In an
expensive restaurant, would you return a dinner that was quite
overcooked? |
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12.
If a repair
person working in your home did a bad job, would you call the
company to report it? |
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13.
If you buy a
piece of clothing and find that it is damaged, will you return
it? |
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14.
If you
disagree with a coworker about a work issue, will you let them
know? |
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15.
If your boss
comes up with a stupid idea, will you point out the possible
problems? |
§
The
more “yes” answers you gave, the more assertive you are.
§
If
you filled up the “no” column, then you are probably a complete wimp.
§
To
become more assertive, check out the suggestions below.
How to Become More
Assertive
Being assertive does not
mean being aggressive. Assertive people are able to make their ideas,
suggestions, needs, and wishes known to others without getting anxious,
angry, upset, or defensive. Here are a few suggestions for becoming a
more assertive person.
q
Monitor your “self-talk”.
If you constantly tell
yourself things like “she’s going to get mad if I speak up” or “maybe
I’ll lose my job” or “it would be easier to just go along”,
then you’re only reinforcing your timid tendencies.
q
Remind yourself of your “perfect rights”.
Instead of convincing
yourself to keep quiet, try reminding yourself that you have a perfect
right to your own opinions, wishes, and ideas, as well as a perfect
right to be treated reasonably by others, both at work and at home.
q
Beware of too much empathy.
Caring about the
feelings of others is a great characteristic. But over-empathizing can
cause you to neglect your own needs. It’s all too easy to congratulate
yourself for being “nice”, when you’re really being timid.
q
Directly state what you need.
If you must have
information, assistance, time, or anything else, say so directly. Don't
ask a question when you need to make a statement. Saying "Could you
give me two more days to finish the project?" is not the same as
saying "I need two more days to finish the project."
q
Protect your boundaries.
Some thoughtless, pushy
people are chronic boundary violators. They have no hesitation at all
about taking up your time, asking personal questions, coming over
without an invitation, or borrowing your stuff. The only way to deal
with these boorish types is to learn to say “no”.
q
Be persistent.
Unassertive people often give up much too easily. They
will offer a timid “Well, I’m not really sure if I can”, then
immediately fold at the slightest pushback. Assertive people know when
they are being reasonable and are willing to stick to their guns.
q
Don't build up resentment.
Some unassertive people
let their resentments increase without saying anything about them. Then
they suddenly go nuclear, which both confuses and alienates people. If
you feel yourself getting angry, don’t stay quiet – it’s time to say
something.
q
Focus on the problem, not the person.
Sometimes people are
afraid to speak up because they fear making the other person mad. One
way to avoid this is to focus on the issue, not the person. Telling
someone that they are lazy, inconsiderate, thoughtless, or shortsighted
is not being assertive. That’s called being rude.
q
Learn to use "I-statements".
“I-statements” can help
you be assertive without being critical. An I-statement phrases your
concern in terms of what you need, not what’s wrong with the other
person. Saying “I need to be able to plan my week, so I’d like to
have the schedule this afternoon” is much better than saying “Why
are you always so late with the schedule?”
q
Don’t over explain.
People who feel uncomfortable asserting their own rights
often feel that they must give lots of reasons to justify their actions
or refusals. If you don’t want to go to a party, for example, you are
under no obligation to explain why. You can simply say that you’re not
able to do so.
q
Don’t over apologize.
Some people are chronic
apologizers. They say “I’m sorry” over and over and over. If you are
taking a reasonable position, there is no need to apologize for it.
q
Express appreciation.
Telling others what you
appreciate about them is a very positive form of assertiveness. And can
help to counterbalance any disagreements you may have in the future.
Copyright Marie G.
McIntyre. All rights reserved. May be reproduced with copyright and
attribution to
www.yourofficecoach.com .
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