Are You a Workplace Wimp?
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material on yourofficecoach.com
is copyrighted to Marie G. McIntyre.
All rights reserved.
May
be reproduced for non-commercial use with copyright and attribution to
www.yourofficecoach.com.
Commercial use requires permission: email
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Please answer each question with a "yes" or "no".
Then see "How to Become More
Assertive" below.
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Yes |
No |
Situation
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1.
Are you reluctant to ask
your coworkers for help when you're overloaded?
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2. When a
coworker makes an unreasonable request, do
you usually give in and comply? |
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3. If a coworker
shares your confidential information with others, do you ignore
their breach of trust? |
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4.
With
team projects, do you frequently wind up doing more than your
fair share of the
work? |
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5.
If you find problems with someone else's work, do you correct
them yourself? |
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6. If a coworker
makes annoying or inappropriate remarks, do you keep quiet about
it? |
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7.
When a
coworker interrupts your work at a bad time, do you stop what
you're doing and talk to them? |
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8. If a coworker
borrows something and forgets to give it back, do you just
forget about it? |
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9.
When someone
interrupts you in a meeting, do you stop talking and let them
take over? |
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10. If someone brings you inaccurate or
incomplete work, do you accept it anyway? |
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11.
If you learn that a coworker is doing something
illegal or
unethical, will you report it? |
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12.
When you
disagree with a coworker about a work issue, do you usually keep
your opinion to yourself? |
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13. If a coworker
comes up with a stupid idea, do you politely point out the possible
problems? |
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The
more “YES” answers you gave, the more wimpy you are.
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To
become less wimpy and more assertive, check out the suggestions below.
How to Become MORE Assertive
"Assertive" is the opposite
of "wimpy". However, it does not mean "aggressive".
Assertive people can convey their ideas, needs, and wishes to others
without becoming anxious, angry, upset, or defensive. Here are a
few suggestions for becoming less of a "workplace wimp".
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Monitor your “self-talk”.
The "messages"
in your thoughts will determine your actions. If you constantly
think “she’s going to get mad if I speak up” or “maybe
I’ll lose my job” or “it would be easier to just go along”,
then you’re just reinforcing your timid tendencies.
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Remind yourself of your “perfect rights”.
Remember that you have a "perfect
right" to your own opinions, wishes, and ideas, as well as a perfect
right to be treated reasonably by others.
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Don't overdo
empathy.
Caring about others is great, but too much
empathy can cause you to neglect your own needs. It’s all too
easy to congratulate yourself for being “nice”, when you’re really
being wimpy.
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Clearly state what you need.
If you must have
information, assistance, time, or anything else, say so directly. Don't
ask a question when you need to make a statement. Saying "Could you
give me two more days to finish the project?" is
not the same as
saying "I need two more days to finish the project.
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Protect your boundaries.
Some pushy people are chronic boundary violators.
They will not hesitate to take up your time, ask personal questions,
interrupt inconveniently, or borrow your stuff. The only way to deal
with these boorish types is to learn to say “NO”.
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Be persistent. Wimpy people give up
very easily. They
will timidly say “Well, I’m not really sure if I can”, then
immediately fold at the slightest pushback. Assertive people know when
they are being reasonable and are willing to stick to their guns.
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Don't build up resentment.
Instead of speaking up, some wimpy people
just become resentful. Then
they suddenly go nuclear, thereby confusing and alienating people. If
you feel yourself getting angry, it’s time to say
something, not fume quietly.
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Focus on problems, not people.
Sometimes wimpy people are
afraid to speak up because they fear making the other person mad.
To reduce these fears, focus on the issue, not the person. Telling
someone that they are lazy and inconsiderate
is not assertive. It's just rude. Much better to say "I
couldn't complete my report because the data was late."
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Master the art of "I-statements".
“I-statements” can be assertive without being critical. An I-statement phrases your
concern in terms of what you need, not what’s wrong with the other
person. Saying “I need to be able to plan my week, so I’d like to
have the schedule this afternoon” is much better than saying “Why
are you always so late with the schedule?”
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Don’t over-explain.
Wimpy
people often feel obligated to justify their actions
or refusals. As a result, they frequently give too many reasons. If you
can't join a group for lunch, for example, you are
under no obligation to explain why. You can simply say that you’re not
able to go.
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Don’t over-apologize. Wimpy people are chronic
apologizers. They say “I’m sorry” over and over and over. But if you are
taking a reasonable position, there is no need to apologize. And
if you did nothing wrong, there is no need to accept blame.
Too much apologizing just gives away your power.
All
material on yourofficecoach.com
is copyrighted to Marie G. McIntyre.
All rights reserved.
May
be reproduced for non-commercial use with copyright and attribution to
www.yourofficecoach.com.
Commercial use requires permission: email
mmcintyre@yourofficecoach.com .
Interested in Phone Coaching?
In a phone coaching session, you can discuss any workplace concern
with Dr. Marie McIntyre. Common problems include management
challenges, difficult bosses, frustrating coworkers, career concerns,
and job search skills.
If
you like, you can send a complete description of your situation before
the call. Marie will study it in advance, in order to make the
best use of your time.
Phone coaching sessions typically last 30 or 60 minutes.
The cost is $49 per half hour. If you do not find the session helpful, we
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an appointment, just
send us an email.
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