Holidays are stressful even for those who love them.  If you have pressures related to time, family, or finances, the stress is even greater.  But much of that stress is self-generated.  Stress management is based on the understanding that while pressure comes from the outside, stress comes from the inside. 

Because Christmas is the predominant holiday celebration in the U.S., that’s what we’ll focus on here.  But many of these suggestions can apply to other holidays as well. 

§          •  Reduce your expectations of yourself. 

Don’t expect too much of either yourself or others.  Many people feel that they must do everything that can possibly be done during the holiday season:  have a party, bake cookies, send cards, string outdoor lights, do charitable deeds, take the kids to holiday activities, and on and on.  Not that all of those things aren’t wonderful.  They are!  But not if they drive you crazy or make you sick.

§          •  Give yourself permission to enjoy the holiday. 

The first step in changing your expectations is to make enjoying the holiday your first priority.  “But that’s selfish!” you might say.  No, it’s not.  The easiest way to ruin the holiday for your loved ones is get yourself so stressed out that you are no fun to be with.  If an activity adds nothing to your enjoyment of the holiday, then scrap it!

§          •  Separate “must-do’s” from “nice-to’s”. 

Manage your holiday activities by separating what you really feel you must do from those things that it would simply be nice to do.  Putting up a tree and buying gifts for the kids are pretty fundamental, but baking cookies for the neighbors or sending out 200 cards are not absolutely necessary .

§          •  Turn off your parental “tapes”. 

Most of us develop expectations about how Christmas “should” be celebrated by watching what our families do when we are kids.  Some people continue to hear parental voices in their heads long after they are grown up:  “You have to make fancy bows.”   “You should cut your own Christmas tree.”  “You ought to have the neighbors over.”  Or whatever.  (Even worse, sometimes parents actually keep saying these things!)  So keep any family traditions that you love, but feel free to ditch those that cause you stress.  After all, you’re an adult now.  Make your own traditions.

§          •  Don’t use the holiday as an excuse for excess. 

It’s all too easy to eat those extra brownies or charge those extra gifts by saying to yourself, “Well, after all it is the holidays!”  But you’re only delaying the pain.  After Christmas, when you get on the scale or receive your credit card bill, the regrets will kick in.  Calories and credit card charges can’t tell the difference between a holiday event and any other day of the year.  So enjoy yourself, but in moderation. 

§          •  Reduce your expectations of others. 

If you have a tendency to be judgmental, holidays provide a perfect opportunity to evaluate others’ behavior.  Why didn’t they send us a card?  How could she serve such cheap food at the Christmas party?  Why did he give me such a tacky gift?  How come they don’t have any lights on their house?  Don't waste your emotional energy on pointless criticism.  Many things that others do aren’t your business anyway.

§          •  Put your family issues on hold. 

All families have disagreements and differences.  If you’re getting together with your loved ones at Christmas, that’s the time to overlook these issues.  Adjust your attitude, curb your tongue, and enter into holiday activities with a loving spirit.  You may disagree with these people, but they are the only family you have.  If you can’t restrain yourself from fighting with your relatives, then stay home.  You are entitled to your resentments, but you are not entitled to wreck the holiday for others.   And if some of them become combative, stay quiet, neutral, and above the fray.  Everyone else will love you for it.

§          •  Don't forget that work parties are work parties. 

If you are attending official or unofficial parties with colleagues – especially if members of management are there – remember that any gathering with coworkers is a work event and can effect relationships and perceptions far into the future.  Many people have long regretted the alcohol-induced dirty dancing or the lengthy kiss under the mistletoe – or worse.  If you need to let it all hang out, then hang it out with your off-work friends.

§          •  Remember the spirit of the season. 

Religious celebrations, whatever your faith, should be about peace, love, kindness, and goodwill to others.  So ask yourself if your holiday plans, activities, and actions reflect that spirit.  

However you celebrate, have a safe & happy holiday season!

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