Managers should strive to be role models, setting an example of mature,
professional behavior. Unfortunately, however, some managers do just
the opposite. These immature individuals refuse to control their
emotions and freely vent their frustrations by yelling at employees.
Amazingly, however, their own bosses seldom see this childish behavior.
If you’re stuck with one of these stress-inducing supervisors, here are
some coping suggestions.
●
Accept the fact that you have an immature manager. Lower your
expectations.
This boss is never going
to be the wise, mature mentor of your dreams. So just expect him to act
like a tantrum-throwing two-year-old. Then you won’t be disappointed.
●
Don’t take it personally.
Hothead managers yell at
everyone except people who have more power. So remember that this has
nothing to do with you personally.
●
Don’t respond in kind.
Yelling back at your
hothead boss will only escalate the situation. And since this person
has some power over you, that could lead to career suicide. This may
not be fair, but it’s a fact. And watch your non-verbal behavior –
grimacing and eye-rolling will not be helpful.
●
Remember that one of you needs to act like an adult. That will have to
be you.
If two people act like
children, the result is a playground fight. So, since your manager is
already acting like a kid, you’re the only one left who can keep the
situation under control.
●
Take a deep breath and mentally disengage.
To stay verbally calm,
you must first be physically and emotionally calm. Breathe deeply to
reduce your physical tension. Then mentally take yourself outside the
situation. One trick is to think about something totally outside of
work, like a vacation spot or fun activity. Another is to mentally step
back and view your raging manager as an outside observer might. (He
will then look pretty stupid.)
●
Wait until the storm passes.
If you don’t feed the
fire, the managerial temper tantrum will gradually recede. You can’t
have a rational conversation with an angry person, so keep your
responses neutral and minimal until she burns herself out.
●
Focus on the topic, not the tantrum.
Once your boss is able
to converse normally, forget about his outburst and just continue with
the discussion.
●
Keep your sense of humor.
Although being yelled at
is certainly no laughing matter, sometimes these ballistic managers
really look like idiots. If you can find anything amusing about the
situation, it will help you retain your sanity.
●
Provide feedback in a calm moment (if your hothead boss is a actually
reasonable human being).
Some otherwise okay
managers simply lose it from time to time. These folks may be open to
hearing about the effects of their behavior. And some of them actually
try to change.
●
Educate about the costs of anger.
Hothead managers usually
fail to realize that their volatile behavior will cost them in the long
run. Employees avoid giving them bad news. In fact, people tend to
avoid them altogether. As a result, they are often blindsided by
problems that could have been avoided and not given information that
might be helpful.
●
Strategize with other victims.
Since hothead managers
usually berate everyone, it’s pretty easy to find a support group. See
if your colleagues have found any strategies for heading off tantrums or
calming them down.
●
BUT – if your boss crosses the line and becomes abusive, talk with HR or
upper management.
A hothead manager is one
thing, but an abusive boss is another. If your manager’s behavior is
extreme or causes ongoing emotional stress, you need to talk with
someone. Companies should not tolerate such managers, so someone in HR
or upper management needs to know.
●
And if it doesn’t improve, get out of there.
Perhaps you can learn to
cope with the situation. Or perhaps you can change it. But if neither
seems possible, you need to find a more professional place to work.
Abusive managers can be damaging to your mental and physical health, and
no job is worth that.
