(Adapted from Secrets to Winning at Office Politics, by Marie G. McIntyre)

 (All material on yourofficecoach.com is copyrighted to Marie G. McIntyre.  All rights reserved.)

If everyone around you looks like an enemy, then you are either in a toxic workplace or you need to consider therapy.  But if you sense that one or two people have become your opponents, you may very well be right.  Almost everybody encounters a few adversaries during the course of their career.  Being able to recognize an opponent when you see one and respond in an appropriate fashion can be a critical survival skill at work.

First, be sure that the person actually is an enemy.  Some difficult people are not adversaries – they’re just annoying.  No matter where you work, you will have co-workers with personalities, habits, or work styles that you find irritating.  The way that you respond to them is a good measure of your own maturity, because annoying people test your self discipline.  If you let them push your emotional buttons, you will find yourself entangled in unnecessary conflicts.  Successful people don’t get distracted by colleagues who are simply frustrating.

A true adversary has an agenda that makes it difficult for you to accomplish important goals.  Some want to do you harm, while others are just self-centered – however, all of them are operating against your best interests.  If someone is clearly an adversary, then here’s the most important question:  What does this person want?  Remember this fundamental psychological principle:  All behavior has a purpose.  So regardless of how irrational your adversary’s behavior may seem, there is a reason for it.  When grouped by motive, adversaries fall into the three categories discussed below: (1) focused, (2) emotional, or (3) vengeful. 

Once you have determined the adversary’s motive, you must then figure out how to respond.  So here is the second important question:  How do you keep an adversary from interfering with your success?  You usually have two options: either convert an adversary to an ally by improving the relationship or take steps to contain the person’s destructive potential.

Who are they?   Focused adversaries simply view you as an obstacle to getting something they want.  Their opposition is not personal (although it may feel like it).  Some are driven by career ambitions, while others want to promote their own point of view, without regard to the concerns or needs of others.  With focused adversaries, you must resist the temptation to get into an ongoing power struggle.  This kind of battle will just make you appear uncooperative, make others uncomfortable, and invite retaliation from your opponent.  Once a power struggle is underway, someone is likely to lose, and it might be you.

What should you do?  With focused adversaries, the preferred outcome is to convert them to allies.  For this to happen, your opponents must believe that (a) your goals do not conflict with theirs and (b) cooperating with you might contribute to their own success.  So you need to work on identifying common goals and developing a collaborative, non-threatening relationship.  If focused adversaries cannot be converted, then they must be contained.  One effective strategy is to increase your own leverage by strengthening your relationships with people who have power or influence.  If an unscrupulous colleague is trying to take over some of your responsibilities, for example, then you probably need to enhance your reputation with key managers. 

Who are they?   Emotional adversaries are a completely different breed.  These poor souls are truly out of control, driven by their intense emotional needs.  Underlying their dysfunctional behavior is a deep-seated anger or anxiety that frequently overrides the more logical portion of their brain.  One sure sign of an emotional adversary is that they create problems for everyone, not just for you – and they are unlikely to change without the help of therapy or medication or both.   Some are angry, some are needy, and some are just chronically oppositional, but they all suck up energy that could be put to better use.

What should you do?  With emotional adversaries, always remember that their behavior is triggered not by your actions, but by their needs.  We expect people to act like adults at work, but emotional adversaries seem more like kids: they throw tantrums, pout, form cliques, play power games, seek attention, or get their feelings hurt.  The greatest risk with emotional adversaries is that they can “hook” you into playing their destructive games.  Although they can occasionally be converted to allies, containment is usually a more practical goal.  You simply want to reduce their disruptive behavior, particularly around you.  You must therefore control your own reactions, because an emotional response is exactly what this adversary wants (albeit sometimes unconsciously).  Maintain a calm, rational, adult demeanor no matter what they do.  During every interaction, you must focus like a laser on your immediate objective and not be distracted by their irrelevant or annoying antics.  There is one exception to this rule: if an adversary is truly disturbed, with absolutely no control over their behavior, nothing you do will make any difference.  Then the only solution is to stay out of their way.   

Who are they?   The most difficult and unpleasant enemies are vengeful adversaries, because they are clearly  out to get you.  If you run into one of these malicious people, watch out!  Some vengeful adversaries are quite open and direct: they don’t like you, and you know that they don’t like you.  Others, however, are stealth opponents, who avoid direct confrontation.  These sneaky characters specialize in pointed remarks, subtle challenges, cold shoulders, and disparaging comments.  With some, you may never even know they are an adversary until someone else tells you.  Or you suddenly find yourself unemployed.  Stealth opponents are vicious.  A close encounter with one can make you feel justifiably paranoid for quite awhile. 

What should you do?  For starters, try to avoid creating vengeful adversaries.  A few warped people are vengeful by nature, but they are a tiny minority.  More often, these adversaries are retaliating for something that you did, perhaps unintentionally.  To convert a vengeful adversary, you must first examine your own actions to see what might have triggered their resentment.  If you have no clue, then try the direct, problem-solving approach.  For this to work, you must be sincere in your desire to improve the relationship.  Such a discussion begins with an opening like this: “Ed, I don’t think that our working relationship is going very well, and I’m not sure what’s causing the problem.  I'd like to see if we could figure out how to improve things.  What do you think about the situation?”  Several things might happen next: Ed may describe the problem, Ed may tell you to go to hell, Ed may wimp out by saying that no problem exists.  Whatever his reaction, you must remain non-defensive and calmly persist until you understand his point of view.  Then suggest what you yourself might do differently in the future.  After demonstrating your own willingness to change, you should be able to make reasonable requests of the other party.  If this approach works, you will have defused an adversary, possibly created an ally, and undoubtedly made your life at work more pleasant.  When your vengeful opponent is not a rational person, however, you need to forget problem solving, focus on containment, and take steps to protect your reputation. 

The best solution to handling problems with adversaries is to have a lot of allies.  Positive relationships build political capital, so you need to have as many of them as possible.  If you are widely viewed as a trustworthy, helpful colleague, then adversaries will find few opportunities to cause you any serious harm. 

Your Office Coach^®

Ó Marie G. McIntyre ▪ Atlanta, Georgia ▪ All Rights Reserved