Do you frequently find yourself fuming at the annoying or stupid things done by your colleagues?  Or your boss?  Do you get into confrontational conversations at work?  Or do you hold it together at the office, then come home and yell at the kids?  If you sometimes feel concerned about your angry reactions, evaluate yourself with the Quick Quiz below.  Then check out the following suggestions for managing your anger.

For each statement, check True if it applies to you or False if it does not.

§          The more “true” answers you gave, the more likely you are to have an anger problem.

§          To deal with your anger, check out the suggestions below.

Serious anger issues require professional help.  If you verbally or physically abuse others, you may need counseling.  But people with lower-level anger problems can often learn to change their behaviors.

q      Recognize the physical signs.  Anger is always preceded by physical warning signs, like muscle tension, shallow breathing, or a sense of “holding it together”.  When you sense these signals, that’s a clue that you need to employ some of the strategies below.  If you are unable to spot the physical signs, you are much more likely to “lose it”.

q      Practice physically relaxing.  Anger and physical relaxation are incompatible states.  Just as physical tension may signal the onset of anger, physically relaxing will help to reduce angry feelings.  If you take deep breaths, relax your muscles, and sit back in your chair, you are more likely to calm down.

q      Monitor your “self-talk”.  We often work ourselves up by repeating angry thoughts in our head.  If you repeatedly tell yourself “my boss is such a jerk” or “I know that Mark is going to screw up the project” or “these meetings always drive me nuts”, you will already be half-angry before anything has happened.

q      Learn to talk yourself down.  Just like physical relaxation, mental relaxation can also help to dissipate anger.  When you feel the tension rising, adjust your thinking.  Instead of “Bob is an idiot”, try “Bob is a somewhat annoying person, but there are a lot of them in the world.  And I can manage to work with this one.”  Or, when appropriate, switch to a completely different and calmer train of thought, like mentally planning your next vacation.

q      Adjust your expectations.  If you know someone is annoying, stupid, rude, or incompetent, stop expecting them to be any different.  Just expect them to be the aggravating person that they are and figure out how to deal with that.

q      Recognize the boundaries.  Sometimes people get upset about things that are none of their concern.  Unless it directly affects your own work, your colleagues’ work habits, appearance, office decor, interests, and relationships are not your business.  Remind yourself of that when they annoy you.

q      Don't build up resentments.  If you let resentments increase without saying anything about them, they will quietly grow and eventually begin to boil.  Then you may suddenly go nuclear, which both confuses and alienates people.  If you are truly upset, don’t sulk or remain silent – it’s time to say something.

q      Focus on the problem, not the person.  Sometimes we get angry with people when the real issue is actually a poor work process or ineffective organizational structure.  Attacking the person just keeps us from tackling the problem.  Learn to separate people issues from process issues.

q      Learn new communication strategies.  Even if you learn to control your angry reactions, you won’t solve your anger problem unless you know what to do instead.  Look for books, workshops, or online resources that teach specific skills like active listening, using I-statements, seeking common goals, and so forth.

q      Exit when necessary.  If all else fails and you’re about to yell, scream, or insult someone, you need to take yourself elsewhere.  But don’t announce your problem.  Just excuse yourself for a bio-break or a phone call.  Then calm down before you return.

q      Know when you need help.  If you frequently get into angry confrontations that you cannot control, then it’s time for professional help.  Look for a counselor or therapist who specializes in anger management issues.  Interview the person and ask what techniques they use with their clients.  Don’t just take the first person who comes up on the Google search.  Find someone who is a good “fit” for you and for your specific problem..

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