Quick Quiz: Do You Have
an Anger Problem?
Do you
frequently find yourself fuming at the annoying or stupid things done by
your colleagues? Or your boss? Do you get into confrontational
conversations at work? Or do you hold it together at the office, then
come home and yell at the kids? If you sometimes feel concerned about
your angry reactions, evaluate yourself with the Quick Quiz below. Then
check out the following suggestions for managing your anger.
MMPI Anger Scale,
reprinted from the Harvard Health Watch
For each statement,
check True if it applies to you or False if it does not.
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TRUE |
FALSE |
SITUATION |
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1.
At times, I
feel like swearing. |
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2.
At times, I
feel like smashing things. |
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3.
Often, I
can’t understand why I’ve been so irritable and grouchy. |
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4.
At times, I
feel like picking a fistfight with someone. |
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5.
I easily
become impatient with people. |
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6.
I am often
said to be hotheaded. |
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7.
I am often
so annoyed when someone tries to get ahead of me in line that I
speak to the person about it. |
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8.
I have at
times had to be rough with people who were rude or annoying. |
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9.
I am often
sorry because I am so irritable and grouchy. |
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10.
It makes me
angry to have people hurry me. |
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11.
I am very
stubborn. |
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12.
Sometimes I
get so angry and upset, I don’t know what has come over me. |
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13.
I have
gotten angry and broken furniture or dishes when I was drinking. |
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14.
I have
become so angry with someone that I have felt as if I would
explode. |
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15.
I’ve been so
angry at times that I’ve hurt someone in a physical fight. |
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16.
I frequently
lose self-control. |
§
The
more “true” answers you gave, the more likely you are to have an anger
problem.
§
To
deal with your anger, check out the suggestions below.
Anger Management
Strategies
Serious anger issues require professional help. If you verbally or
physically abuse others, you may need counseling. But people with
lower-level anger problems can often learn to change their behaviors.
q
Recognize the physical signs.
Anger is always preceded
by physical warning signs, like muscle tension, shallow breathing, or a
sense of “holding it together”. When you sense these signals, that’s a
clue that you need to employ some of the strategies below. If you are
unable to spot the physical signs, you are much more likely to “lose
it”.
q
Practice physically relaxing.
Anger and physical
relaxation are incompatible states. Just as physical tension may signal
the onset of anger, physically relaxing will help to reduce angry
feelings. If you take deep breaths, relax your muscles, and sit back in
your chair, you are more likely to calm down.
q
Monitor your “self-talk”.
We often work ourselves
up by repeating angry thoughts in our head. If you repeatedly tell
yourself “my boss is such a jerk” or “I know that Mark is going to screw
up the project” or “these meetings always drive me nuts”, you will
already be half-angry before anything has happened.
q
Learn to talk yourself down.
Just like physical
relaxation, mental relaxation can also help to dissipate anger. When
you feel the tension rising, adjust your thinking. Instead of “Bob is
an idiot”, try “Bob is a somewhat annoying person, but there are a lot
of them in the world. And I can manage to work with this one.” Or,
when appropriate, switch to a completely different and calmer train of
thought, like mentally planning your next vacation.
q
Adjust your expectations.
If you know someone is
annoying, stupid, rude, or incompetent, stop expecting them to be any
different. Just expect them to be the aggravating person that they are
and figure out how to deal with that.
q
Recognize the boundaries.
Sometimes people get
upset about things that are none of their concern. Unless it directly
affects your own work, your colleagues’ work habits, appearance, office
decor, interests, and relationships are not your business. Remind
yourself of that when they annoy you.
q
Don't build up resentments.
If you let resentments
increase without saying anything about them, they will quietly grow and
eventually begin to boil. Then you may suddenly go nuclear, which both
confuses and alienates people. If you are truly upset, don’t sulk or
remain silent – it’s time to say something.
q
Focus on the problem, not the person.
Sometimes we get angry
with people when the real issue is actually a poor work process or
ineffective organizational structure. Attacking the person just keeps
us from tackling the problem. Learn to separate people issues from
process issues.
q
Learn new communication strategies.
Even if you learn to
control your angry reactions, you won’t solve your anger problem unless
you know what to do instead. Look for books, workshops, or online
resources that teach specific skills like active listening, using
I-statements, seeking common goals, and so forth.
q
Exit when necessary.
If all else fails and
you’re about to yell, scream, or insult someone, you need to take
yourself elsewhere. But don’t announce your problem. Just excuse
yourself for a bio-break or a phone call. Then calm down before you
return.
q
Know when you need help.
If you frequently get
into angry confrontations that you cannot control, then it’s time for
professional help. Look for a counselor or therapist who specializes in
anger management issues. Interview the person and ask what techniques
they use with their clients. Don’t just take the first person who comes
up on the Google search. Find someone who is a good “fit” for you and
for your specific problem..
Copyright Marie G.
McIntyre. All rights reserved. May be reproduced with copyright and
attribution to
www.yourofficecoach.com .
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