Do You Have an Anger
Problem?
Do you
frequently find yourself fuming at the annoying or stupid things done by
your colleagues? Or your boss? Do you get into
confrontational conversations at work? Or do you hold it together
at the office, then come home and yell at the kids? If you
sometimes feel concerned about your angry reactions, then check out the
following suggestions for managing your anger.
Anger Management
Strategies
Serious anger issues require professional help. If you verbally or
physically abuse others, you may need counseling. But people with
lower-level anger problems can often learn to change their behaviors.
q
Recognize the physical signs.
Anger is always preceded
by physical warning signs, like muscle tension, shallow breathing, or a
sense of “holding it together”. When you sense these signals,
that’s a clue that you need to employ some of the strategies below.
If you are unable to spot the physical signs, you are much more likely
to “lose it”.
q
Practice physically relaxing.
Anger and physical
relaxation are incompatible states. Just as physical tension may
signal the onset of anger, physically relaxing will help to reduce angry
feelings. If you take deep breaths, relax your muscles, and sit
back in your chair, you are more likely to calm down.
q
Monitor your “self-talk”.
We often work ourselves
up by repeating angry thoughts in our head. If you repeatedly tell
yourself “my boss is such a jerk” or “I know that Mark is going to screw
up the project” or “these meetings always drive me nuts”, you will
already be half-angry before anything has happened.
q
Learn to talk yourself down.
Just like physical
relaxation, mental relaxation can also help to dissipate anger.
When you feel the tension rising, adjust your thinking. Instead of
“Bob is an idiot”, try “Bob is a somewhat annoying person, but there are
a lot of them in the world. And I can manage to work with this
one.” Or, when appropriate, switch to a completely different and
calmer train of thought, like mentally planning your next vacation.
q
Adjust your expectations.
If you know someone is
annoying, stupid, rude, or incompetent, stop expecting them to be any
different. Just expect them to be the aggravating person that they
are and figure out how to deal with that.
q
Recognize the boundaries.
Sometimes people get
upset about things that are none of their concern. Unless it
directly affects your own work, your colleagues’ work habits,
appearance, office decor, interests, and relationships are not your
business. Remind yourself of that when they annoy you.
q
Don't build up resentments.
If you let resentments
increase without saying anything about them, they will quietly grow and
eventually begin to boil. Then you may suddenly go nuclear, which
both confuses and alienates people. If you are truly upset, don’t
sulk or remain silent – it’s time to say something.
q
Focus on the problem, not the person.
Sometimes we get angry
with people when the real issue is actually a poor work process or
ineffective organizational structure. Attacking the person just
keeps us from tackling the problem. Learn to separate people
issues from process issues.
q
Learn new communication strategies.
Even if you learn to
control your angry reactions, you won’t solve your anger problem unless
you know what to do instead. Look for books, workshops, or online
resources that teach specific skills like active listening, using
I-statements, seeking common goals, and so forth.
q
Exit when necessary.
If all else fails and
you’re about to yell, scream, or insult someone, you need to take
yourself elsewhere. But don’t announce your problem. Just
excuse yourself for a bio-break or a phone call. Then calm down
before you return.
q
Know when you need help.
If you frequently get
into angry confrontations that you cannot control, then it’s time for
professional help. Look for a counselor or therapist who
specializes in anger management issues. Interview the person and
ask what techniques they use with their clients. Don’t just take
the first person who comes up on the Google search. Find someone
who is a good “fit” for you and for your specific problem..
Copyright Marie G.
McIntyre. All rights reserved. May be reproduced with copyright
and attribution to
www.yourofficecoach.com .
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